Closing Cycles

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.



Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?



You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.



But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.



None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.



Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.



Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.



Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.



Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are....

The Best Man is BEST for the Groom (Unfinished)

(My thoughts about my bestfriend's wedding)


Someday, perhaps the saddest but most lovable thing that could ever happen to you is when you are talking with your best friend a day before his wedding and then tells you...

"This could have been US if we weren't both men."


I never liked weddings. I have no fancy for this kinds of celebrations and I’m not a big fan of any type of ceremonial event. I don't feel the drama that most people feel. I don't have any care about grandiose church settings, the flowers that were used or the colors that were worn or even where the reception would be held.

People would always act all sappy the entire day. There are lots of hugs and kisses and fancy uncomfortable clothes. Congratulations all around! Let me toast the fact that you made it to your wedding day. I'll really be impressed if those couples actually stay married.

Let me make this clear. I don't hate people who have them. In fact, I am genuinely happy for the people being married when I attend a wedding, since as a general rule they are pretty happy about it.



I just hate the fact that someone like me would never be married in the same fashion like every "normal" couple would. And I cry buckets of tears whenever I recall how my "formerly gay" best friend got married....

Now normally I'm not a guy who will put someone down for wanting to spend their life with someone they love, But when my best friend told me that he decided to get married I froze and felt a hundred knives being pinned in my chest. It was a tragedy that I never expected to happen....

All of US are WHORES (unfinished)

" All of US are born whores... it's just that some of us are lucky enough to get PAID for being one.."

These were the exact words that I've heard from a very close friend of mine. Reginald (not his real name) was one of those very few people I like to be associated with and I was fortunate enough to somehow mentor him in his budding career in human resources. He has this aura of being a "boy next door" type of guy, a true blue gentleman who every single gay guy in my queer group of friends dreams to introduce to their family and friends. Reginald has all the credentials of a seemingly perfect mate - good genes which gave him well defined and gorgeous looks , a well known family respected in society circles, and a child-like personality that endears him to all. But after the devastating break-up he just had a few weeks ago with his ex boyfriend Vince, he started to think and act "differently".

It was almost midnight when he called me up in my mobile phone to ask if I have anything to do that time. Since it was a weekend and I was just bumming around in my condo and trying my best to get some sleep but really hoping I was somewhere else, so without hesitation I agreed to meet him and try to make the rest of the night a "meaningful one".

I reminded him that I was not in the mood to spend the rest of the night in Malate with the rest the metropolis queer crowd. I had enough of that life. I've spent a lion share of my time there since the late 90's and I have already acquired that "been there - done that" attitude. Knowing that Reginald is aware that I no longer have a thrill to party in gay street, he promised me a different escapade in a "secret" place which according to him was his most recent discovery.

Since I live in the Ortigas Business District and he lives in Alabang, we agreed to meet in Greenbelt Makati in one of our usual hang-out places. It took me less than an hour to prepare and to drive my sexy ass from Ortigas CBD to Makati.