Confessions of a Gay Guy!

It’s about waking up the next Sunday morning with a bad hangover after partying out all night in the different bars in Malate and being hit by a very familiar feeling that you went overboard again last night.

It's about a one-night stand with a guy you met at a party, sneaking out of his room before he wakes, checking your things if something was missing, looking for his phone and purposely deleting your number from his phonebook.

It's about meeting a guy at a bar and offering him a ride home. It's about asking him if he wanted to go someplace private so you can talk--when both of you are aware that you have a different "talk" in mind.

It's about meeting your ex again after quite some time and noting how much better he looks now than he did before. It's about pushing the right buttons for him to give in. And finding yourself in bed with him without strings attached, all the while being grateful to your friend who told you its good not to burn your bridges with your exes.

It's about seeing another guy and finding ways for you to meet him. With pickup lines being overused, you have a better chance of getting his number by having your best gimik bud go over and ask him politely if he can have his friend over there introduced to him. It's about texting with him the whole day, getting to know him, showing that you have a genuine interest in him, sharing sweet nothings on the phone and forwarding him cheesy quotes that work almost all the time.

It's about having your friend, your partner-in-crime, the Wondergirl/Robin to your Wonder woman/Batman--or whatever you want to call him--validate to him all your pledges of devotion and loyalty.

It's about perfecting the art of lying. Telling your boyfriend it was just you and the boys last night--go ask wondergirl/Robin. And not bothering to tell Wondergirl/Robin what to say because he already knows the routine.

It's about keeping your boyfriend happy. Giving him gifts and surprises so he won't suspect your wayward ways.

It's about not caring if your boyfriend broke up with you because he caught you cheating. There are other fish in the sea, you say. You're better off a free man, free to do anything you pleased without worrying about getting caught.

It's about asking another guy you just met out for a date. Convincing him that you're for real. Making him forget about the warnings his faggot friends gave about you.

It's about doing anything so you can bring him home tonight. And if everything else fails, it's always a good idea to have a plan B and even a plan C.

It's about saying the L word without breaking eye contact. Making him believe that you really mean it and that you're starting to fall for him. That's plan B.

It’s about showering him with roses and chocolates, love letters and all the works and going to his pad wearing your new red g-string. That’s Plan C.

It's about thinking of ways to break up with him if he starts to get clingy. Thinking of the standard breakup lines and wondering if he'll buy it.

It's about rushing to your friend's boyfriend with a shoulder to cry on. Telling him that everything's gonna work out fine. Comforting him one minute, and then fucking him the next.

It's about going out with your friends and partying all night. Drinking till dawn and playing around with boy toys.

It's about waking up in the morning with a bad case of hangover and a very familiar feeling that you went overboard again last night.

Deja vu.

Ugly cycle

It really is an ugly cycle. After years of a life like this, you begin to ask yourself if there is more to life than drinking all night and finding someone to hook up with. And in the morning when you wake up, no matter how much you soap yourself, you still have this uneasy feeling that you're still dirty.

Your friend has found a girl that he's serious about. When you go out with your friends, you find him taking a raincheck because he has to spend time with his girl. You and your friends wonder what has gotten into him. You even wonder if he's lost his mind. Why the HELL is he going straight! How can he even think about trading this kind of life? There's nothing better than a gay bachelor's life.

It's all fun and games the first few years. But after a while, you look at yourself in the mirror and find the traces of abuse you did to yourself. And if you don't change your ways, you fear that maybe someday you'll find yourself alone and lonely.

And after all the years of booze and boys you can finally sum up your life in one word--empty.

Maybe it's not good to spend your life that way. Maybe your friend hasn't lost his mind, after all.

What you need is to find someone who can make you look forward to another day. Someone who, when you think about her, never fails to put a smile on your face.

Someone who makes you wants to be a better man not a just another “Queen”--to steal a line from Mr. Jack Nicholson:

Someone who fills that emptiness in you, making you complete.

Before, when you used to wake up in the morning and find somebody in your arms, your first thought was how you could get rid of him without hurting his feelings. But now, what you need is a girl who makes you want to think of reasons and ways to let her stay in your arms. A girl who would convert you back to being straight.

Because when she's right there beside you, it is as if everything's okay. That nothing else matters but you and her. No more wild sorties, no more orgies, no more rave parties, and yes No more wild sex with cute hunky gay guys and twinks.

You need somebody who makes you miss her so much that you buy a bottle of her perfume and spray it on your pillows so, when you go to bed at night, you can hug the pillow with her scent on it and wish that it was really her you were hugging.

You need somebody who makes your heart skip a beat when she smiles at you. Who makes you feel so comfortable and safe that you pour out your heart to her, unburdening secrets that you've kept for a long time. And having her tell you that it's okay, you have a new slate now, that you can leave everything where it belongs, in the past, and concentrate on what lies ahead of you.

You need someone who makes you listen more to love songs on the radio. Someone whom you pray for at night before you sleep. Someone you wish you'd dream about, for even while you sleep, you still want to be with her.

Someone whom you can finally look in the eye, without all the guilt and deceit, and tell her you love her. And you get this mushy feeling inside that tells you it's true. You want to shout over the rooftops, you love her, and she loves you! There's no better feeling in the world.

I have found my someone. I have found my all. I've been wanting to ask this for a long time now. And I think there's no better timing than now.

So here I am, down on one knee, asking you, my someone. Will you marry me?


( Just want you to know that this blog was inspired by a 2bU/YOU article title YOUNG CASANOVA from PDI. I re wrote it in a way base on what has happened in my own life!)