It’s about waking up the next Sunday morning with a bad hangover after partying out all night in the different bars in Malate and being hit by a very familiar feeling that you went overboard again last night.
It's about a one-night stand with a guy you met at a party, sneaking out of his room before he wakes, checking your things if something was missing, looking for his phone and purposely deleting your number from his phonebook.
It's about meeting a guy at a bar and offering him a ride home. It's about asking him if he wanted to go someplace private so you can talk--when both of you are aware that you have a different "talk" in mind.
It's about meeting your ex again after quite some time and noting how much better he looks now than he did before. It's about pushing the right buttons for him to give in. And finding yourself in bed with him without strings attached, all the while being grateful to your friend who told you its good not to burn your bridges with your exes.
It's about seeing another guy and finding ways for you to meet him. With pickup lines being overused, you have a better chance of getting his number by having your best gimik bud go over and ask him politely if he can have his friend over there introduced to him. It's about texting with him the whole day, getting to know him, showing that you have a genuine interest in him, sharing sweet nothings on the phone and forwarding him cheesy quotes that work almost all the time.
It's about having your friend, your partner-in-crime, the Wondergirl/Robin to your Wonder woman/Batman--or whatever you want to call him--validate to him all your pledges of devotion and loyalty.
It's about perfecting the art of lying. Telling your boyfriend it was just you and the boys last night--go ask wondergirl/Robin. And not bothering to tell Wondergirl/Robin what to say because he already knows the routine.
It's about keeping your boyfriend happy. Giving him gifts and surprises so he won't suspect your wayward ways.
It's about not caring if your boyfriend broke up with you because he caught you cheating. There are other fish in the sea, you say. You're better off a free man, free to do anything you pleased without worrying about getting caught.
It's about asking another guy you just met out for a date. Convincing him that you're for real. Making him forget about the warnings his faggot friends gave about you.
It's about doing anything so you can bring him home tonight. And if everything else fails, it's always a good idea to have a plan B and even a plan C.
It's about saying the L word without breaking eye contact. Making him believe that you really mean it and that you're starting to fall for him. That's plan B.
It’s about showering him with roses and chocolates, love letters and all the works and going to his pad wearing your new red g-string. That’s Plan C.
It's about thinking of ways to break up with him if he starts to get clingy. Thinking of the standard breakup lines and wondering if he'll buy it.
It's about rushing to your friend's boyfriend with a shoulder to cry on. Telling him that everything's gonna work out fine. Comforting him one minute, and then fucking him the next.
It's about going out with your friends and partying all night. Drinking till dawn and playing around with boy toys.
It's about waking up in the morning with a bad case of hangover and a very familiar feeling that you went overboard again last night.
Deja vu.
Ugly cycle
It really is an ugly cycle. After years of a life like this, you begin to ask yourself if there is more to life than drinking all night and finding someone to hook up with. And in the morning when you wake up, no matter how much you soap yourself, you still have this uneasy feeling that you're still dirty.
Your friend has found a girl that he's serious about. When you go out with your friends, you find him taking a raincheck because he has to spend time with his girl. You and your friends wonder what has gotten into him. You even wonder if he's lost his mind. Why the HELL is he going straight! How can he even think about trading this kind of life? There's nothing better than a gay bachelor's life.
It's all fun and games the first few years. But after a while, you look at yourself in the mirror and find the traces of abuse you did to yourself. And if you don't change your ways, you fear that maybe someday you'll find yourself alone and lonely.
And after all the years of booze and boys you can finally sum up your life in one word--empty.
Maybe it's not good to spend your life that way. Maybe your friend hasn't lost his mind, after all.
What you need is to find someone who can make you look forward to another day. Someone who, when you think about her, never fails to put a smile on your face.
Someone who makes you wants to be a better man not a just another “Queen”--to steal a line from Mr. Jack Nicholson:
Someone who fills that emptiness in you, making you complete.
Before, when you used to wake up in the morning and find somebody in your arms, your first thought was how you could get rid of him without hurting his feelings. But now, what you need is a girl who makes you want to think of reasons and ways to let her stay in your arms. A girl who would convert you back to being straight.
Because when she's right there beside you, it is as if everything's okay. That nothing else matters but you and her. No more wild sorties, no more orgies, no more rave parties, and yes No more wild sex with cute hunky gay guys and twinks.
You need somebody who makes you miss her so much that you buy a bottle of her perfume and spray it on your pillows so, when you go to bed at night, you can hug the pillow with her scent on it and wish that it was really her you were hugging.
You need somebody who makes your heart skip a beat when she smiles at you. Who makes you feel so comfortable and safe that you pour out your heart to her, unburdening secrets that you've kept for a long time. And having her tell you that it's okay, you have a new slate now, that you can leave everything where it belongs, in the past, and concentrate on what lies ahead of you.
You need someone who makes you listen more to love songs on the radio. Someone whom you pray for at night before you sleep. Someone you wish you'd dream about, for even while you sleep, you still want to be with her.
Someone whom you can finally look in the eye, without all the guilt and deceit, and tell her you love her. And you get this mushy feeling inside that tells you it's true. You want to shout over the rooftops, you love her, and she loves you! There's no better feeling in the world.
I have found my someone. I have found my all. I've been wanting to ask this for a long time now. And I think there's no better timing than now.
So here I am, down on one knee, asking you, my someone. Will you marry me?
( Just want you to know that this blog was inspired by a 2bU/YOU article title YOUNG CASANOVA from PDI. I re wrote it in a way base on what has happened in my own life!)
Friday, July 28, 2006
Saturday, July 22, 2006
SPELLS - My Fav from CHARMED ONES!
--- A Spell for Broken Hearted People ---
Erase the pain of whom I left
That I may love him I just met
Bring balance back to our lives
Letting go, we will survive
--- Letting Go of Lost Love ---
I say this now to those who seek
their hearts now mend, their minds be meek
their lovelorn quest be concluded
thier lovelives past, now be shrouded
--- Finding a Perfect Mate! ---
i conjur thee
i conjur thee
i am the queen
you are the bee
as i desire
so shall it be
--- Love Spell -----
May peace and love
From the moon above
Flow through my heart
On the wings of a dove
Erase the pain of whom I left
That I may love him I just met
Bring balance back to our lives
Letting go, we will survive
--- Letting Go of Lost Love ---
I say this now to those who seek
their hearts now mend, their minds be meek
their lovelorn quest be concluded
thier lovelives past, now be shrouded
--- Finding a Perfect Mate! ---
i conjur thee
i conjur thee
i am the queen
you are the bee
as i desire
so shall it be
--- Love Spell -----
May peace and love
From the moon above
Flow through my heart
On the wings of a dove
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
And again over a cup of Cofee...
We spend a lifetime putting up walls. With every tremor, every earthquake, they grow taller, more impenetrable. Experience teaches us to be careful. Careful of people, of Trojan horses.
With time we come to depend on these walls, rely on their protection. Until one day a boy walks by, touches the stone, the walls come tumbling down.
Manila (Circa 2006)
"So what makes you happy?" He asked over coffee.
My eyes wide open. I look at him, confused, as though he'd just spoken in a foreign language. No one's ever asked me that before.
"The smell of a new book," I tell him.
He smiles, sips his coffee.
I look at him, amazed at his last words, surprised by the fact that as inquisitive as I am, it's never occurred to me to ask anyone that simple question.
I can't take my eyes off him. There's something about this Guy, something I've never seen before. I want to ask him so many things but I don't. The walls, they won't let me. Instead I stare, get lost in my thoughts.
"What?" He says.
My mind's eye dissolves back into the present, to the boy in front of me, his almond hue eyes.
"Huh?"
"Where did you go just now?"
"Nowhere," I say.
"Liar."
I met Ryce a week earlier at trip to Shangrila. Was there at the invitation of my friend Dan to see a movie of all things, a screening of Lake House.
"Everyone is crazy about this movie " he said. "You'll like it."
"Is it a gay thing?" I asked.
"Nope. It's an romance flick"
Dan and I arrived at the Shangrila 8:00 P.M. The place was already packed with people lining up to buy tickets. There was something exciting about the whole thing and strangely beautiful.
We found a spot, tried our best to be in our most comfy position, waited for the movie to start. That's when I noticed him. He was standing in line for the bathroom not more that a few feet away. Tall, broad shoulders, dark hair, and those eyes, as almond hue as spring.
"I'll be right back," I told Dan as I made my way over carefully, quickly, an animal after its prey. Was hoping to strike up a conversation, find out who this guy was. But by the time I got in line three people had managed to squeeze in before me.
I stood there, looking at him over the heads of unsuspecting strangers, waiting for the right moment, the right words. Ten, 15, 20 minutes, eternity. Then, just as I was about to say something, Dan showed up. Tipsy, flamboyant, loud.
"Whatcha doin' Wenz?"
"Waiting for the bathroom."
"Don't take too long, the movie's about to start." he said then curtsied off.
The almond-eyed boy in front of me gives me a look. I know what he's thinking.
"Who was that?" He finally asked. Ice, broken.
"That's my friend," I said. "My very platonic drunken friend."
He smiles. Dimples. My weakness.
Then, his turn comes up for one of the porta potties. But instead of moving forward, he stops, looks at me.
"Do you need to go?" He asks.
"Huh?"
"To the bathroom."
"Yes," I lie.
"Because I don't. I'll wait for you here."
Bold. Fearless. His cards, in plain view. He's been waiting for me this whole time.
"I'm Ryce by the way."
* * *
"What took you so long?" Came the question from the other end of line.
"What?"
"To call."
Wasn't ready for that question, that kind of forwardness.
"I said I'd call in the morning. It's 11:30," I say.
"Manila Boy, pussies."
"Didn't want to seem too eager," I finally tell him. It's as much as I'm willing to admit.
He laughs.
I invited him to go to a drink at my friend's house that night. Ryce showed up on time, wearing a lime almond t-shirt, chewing gum.
"Impressive," I tell him.
"What?"
"Your gum. It matches your shirt," I tease him, "brings out the color in your eyes."
He pulls it out, looks at it. I can tell he's embarrassed by the coincidence.
"Oh yeah, that," he says. "I like to color-coordinate. Why? Too much?"
He's funny. I like that.
My friends like him too, I can tell. They're flirting with him, shamelessly, even those with boyfriends. One goes as far as giving him a quick rub of the shoulders. I like that's he's the center of attention. I like that at the end of the night, I'm the one who gets to take him home.
I step back, watch him interact with the crowd. He's surrounded by a group of men who are clinging to his every word. Now and then he looks up at me, smiles, his eyes saying, "Don’t fret, I'm all yours."
At one point he grabs me, takes me aside. "I like you," he says, then pauses, "something about you."
As the evening wraps up, we say goodbye to my friends, head over to his apartment. We lay down on his bed, fully clothed. The tension has been building up for two days, but he's in no rush. He takes his time with me, exploring every inch, as if not to offend any particular part of my body. There's tenderness in his touch, in his eyes. Not something you'd expect from a six-foot-two guy.
"You're beautiful," he says, his hand on my chest. It doesn't sound forced or corny. I want to reciprocate but I don't. It's those gates, my fears, the walls.
We have sex. Incredible, passionate, mind-blowing. The kind that ends with two people staring at the ceiling in a haze, catching their breaths. Damp sheets, sweaty faces, the green in his eyes, a hundred times greener. This is my favorite moment, right before you fall asleep. Right before everything goes quiet.
In the morning we get dressed, head to Figaro. As I sit there sipping my coffee, a question, "So what makes you happy?"
Incredibly simple, simply incredible.
I want to let him in, but I can't. Wall's too high. Instead I wonder if he'd still be that honest, that open if we shared the same zip code.
That night I went back Makati. To my life, my job, my world. I notice I'm smiling more. But even though I like this guy and the effect he's had on my mood, I know how it goes. guy goes on vacation, guy meets boy, guy sleeps with guy, guy goes home.guy gets e-mails every once in a while. guy moves on.
There are 3,000 reasons not to get emotional. And so I don't.
Ryce follows the script at first.
"I miss you," he messages, three exclamation marks, one smiley face.
"You do?"
"Wish you were here," he continues.
"Likewise."
"Thinking of you," texts the boy.
Then, just as I think it's about to fade, move into its rightful place in the past, a question. This one does more than just confuse me, it takes my breath away.
"Is there a reason why you're being so reserved?" he asks. "I don't want to lose interest if there's interest to be had."
And just like that, they fall. The walls, they come crumbling, fast, furiously. I realize that although this guy may not be the one, he comes close. And that alone gives me hope.
With time we come to depend on these walls, rely on their protection. Until one day a boy walks by, touches the stone, the walls come tumbling down.
Manila (Circa 2006)
"So what makes you happy?" He asked over coffee.
My eyes wide open. I look at him, confused, as though he'd just spoken in a foreign language. No one's ever asked me that before.
"The smell of a new book," I tell him.
He smiles, sips his coffee.
I look at him, amazed at his last words, surprised by the fact that as inquisitive as I am, it's never occurred to me to ask anyone that simple question.
I can't take my eyes off him. There's something about this Guy, something I've never seen before. I want to ask him so many things but I don't. The walls, they won't let me. Instead I stare, get lost in my thoughts.
"What?" He says.
My mind's eye dissolves back into the present, to the boy in front of me, his almond hue eyes.
"Huh?"
"Where did you go just now?"
"Nowhere," I say.
"Liar."
I met Ryce a week earlier at trip to Shangrila. Was there at the invitation of my friend Dan to see a movie of all things, a screening of Lake House.
"Everyone is crazy about this movie " he said. "You'll like it."
"Is it a gay thing?" I asked.
"Nope. It's an romance flick"
Dan and I arrived at the Shangrila 8:00 P.M. The place was already packed with people lining up to buy tickets. There was something exciting about the whole thing and strangely beautiful.
We found a spot, tried our best to be in our most comfy position, waited for the movie to start. That's when I noticed him. He was standing in line for the bathroom not more that a few feet away. Tall, broad shoulders, dark hair, and those eyes, as almond hue as spring.
"I'll be right back," I told Dan as I made my way over carefully, quickly, an animal after its prey. Was hoping to strike up a conversation, find out who this guy was. But by the time I got in line three people had managed to squeeze in before me.
I stood there, looking at him over the heads of unsuspecting strangers, waiting for the right moment, the right words. Ten, 15, 20 minutes, eternity. Then, just as I was about to say something, Dan showed up. Tipsy, flamboyant, loud.
"Whatcha doin' Wenz?"
"Waiting for the bathroom."
"Don't take too long, the movie's about to start." he said then curtsied off.
The almond-eyed boy in front of me gives me a look. I know what he's thinking.
"Who was that?" He finally asked. Ice, broken.
"That's my friend," I said. "My very platonic drunken friend."
He smiles. Dimples. My weakness.
Then, his turn comes up for one of the porta potties. But instead of moving forward, he stops, looks at me.
"Do you need to go?" He asks.
"Huh?"
"To the bathroom."
"Yes," I lie.
"Because I don't. I'll wait for you here."
Bold. Fearless. His cards, in plain view. He's been waiting for me this whole time.
"I'm Ryce by the way."
* * *
"What took you so long?" Came the question from the other end of line.
"What?"
"To call."
Wasn't ready for that question, that kind of forwardness.
"I said I'd call in the morning. It's 11:30," I say.
"Manila Boy, pussies."
"Didn't want to seem too eager," I finally tell him. It's as much as I'm willing to admit.
He laughs.
I invited him to go to a drink at my friend's house that night. Ryce showed up on time, wearing a lime almond t-shirt, chewing gum.
"Impressive," I tell him.
"What?"
"Your gum. It matches your shirt," I tease him, "brings out the color in your eyes."
He pulls it out, looks at it. I can tell he's embarrassed by the coincidence.
"Oh yeah, that," he says. "I like to color-coordinate. Why? Too much?"
He's funny. I like that.
My friends like him too, I can tell. They're flirting with him, shamelessly, even those with boyfriends. One goes as far as giving him a quick rub of the shoulders. I like that's he's the center of attention. I like that at the end of the night, I'm the one who gets to take him home.
I step back, watch him interact with the crowd. He's surrounded by a group of men who are clinging to his every word. Now and then he looks up at me, smiles, his eyes saying, "Don’t fret, I'm all yours."
At one point he grabs me, takes me aside. "I like you," he says, then pauses, "something about you."
As the evening wraps up, we say goodbye to my friends, head over to his apartment. We lay down on his bed, fully clothed. The tension has been building up for two days, but he's in no rush. He takes his time with me, exploring every inch, as if not to offend any particular part of my body. There's tenderness in his touch, in his eyes. Not something you'd expect from a six-foot-two guy.
"You're beautiful," he says, his hand on my chest. It doesn't sound forced or corny. I want to reciprocate but I don't. It's those gates, my fears, the walls.
We have sex. Incredible, passionate, mind-blowing. The kind that ends with two people staring at the ceiling in a haze, catching their breaths. Damp sheets, sweaty faces, the green in his eyes, a hundred times greener. This is my favorite moment, right before you fall asleep. Right before everything goes quiet.
In the morning we get dressed, head to Figaro. As I sit there sipping my coffee, a question, "So what makes you happy?"
Incredibly simple, simply incredible.
I want to let him in, but I can't. Wall's too high. Instead I wonder if he'd still be that honest, that open if we shared the same zip code.
That night I went back Makati. To my life, my job, my world. I notice I'm smiling more. But even though I like this guy and the effect he's had on my mood, I know how it goes. guy goes on vacation, guy meets boy, guy sleeps with guy, guy goes home.guy gets e-mails every once in a while. guy moves on.
There are 3,000 reasons not to get emotional. And so I don't.
Ryce follows the script at first.
"I miss you," he messages, three exclamation marks, one smiley face.
"You do?"
"Wish you were here," he continues.
"Likewise."
"Thinking of you," texts the boy.
Then, just as I think it's about to fade, move into its rightful place in the past, a question. This one does more than just confuse me, it takes my breath away.
"Is there a reason why you're being so reserved?" he asks. "I don't want to lose interest if there's interest to be had."
And just like that, they fall. The walls, they come crumbling, fast, furiously. I realize that although this guy may not be the one, he comes close. And that alone gives me hope.
News Flash! - Go Ahead Spank Me!
I love my readers. Some of you have been reading since i started this blog, and some have just started. I know many of you have been worried these past few weeks because ive been posting quite sad and depressive posts. The reasons for those posts is nothing more than stress, and maybe a little bit of a relapse into a depression. Its ok though, because I am going to be taking control of my life in like 2 weeks. I told them i wanted to go back to communicate with my Ex's in Baguio and i have been informed by my closest friends that i will be cut off and disowned if i try it. They don't know im still really going to do it, which is why i am under so much stress I am going to be telling them at the end of this week that I am really going back, I already have my plane ticket etc.
I think it is very sweet of you all to offer to spank me, everyone knows i need it! But here is something i havent shared yet. In Baguio there is someone. I shall call him...Butthead. Hehehe. So far he seems to get me and my moods, and really wants to spank me...and other things. Anyway I shall keep you all posted!!!
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Wingless Angel
The same person who called me an angel has clipped my wings, had me fallin', but never caught me in his arms - Darwin (July 2006)
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
The BLUE UNICORN SPEAKS : Angels in Life!
God created laws by which man is expected to live; He then gave humanity ‘free will’ to choose to use these spiritual laws or not.
In the Law of Opposites man is given knowledge to help him make valid decisions concerning what is spiritual. If man chooses to use crutches given to humanity during centuries on the earth, then he is not accepting personal responsibility.
If man sees areas in his own life, which need changing, where healing body, mind or spirit should be taking place and does nothing, then he is not using all the resources at his disposal. Or if he chooses to think that Karma is the answer to what is taking place, again he is not looking within his own life for some small change that could give him better mental outlook or a healthier body and spiritual upliftment.
In all these things, each person has challenges and opportunities presented to him. How he handles the challenges and opportunities is considered ‘using his free will’.
In the creation of law, there is love and there is also hate, there is misery and there is also joy, there is want, but there is also plenty. Man’s free will is what he does with these circumstances – these opportunities – these challenges.
With his own resources for aid, resources for aiding himself as well as aiding others and also taking into consideration what he does with his resources, is man’s own personal responsibility. Each person has opportunities open to his or her own understanding because there are always opportunities for growth, advancement and progress in spiritual enlightenment.
Continue your spiritual path of light and understanding.
I have met countless "Angels" in my journies in this "savage garden" of mine called LIFE , and I am truly greatful knowing that our Divine Father always send HIS angels to us to light and gaurd our way...
In the Law of Opposites man is given knowledge to help him make valid decisions concerning what is spiritual. If man chooses to use crutches given to humanity during centuries on the earth, then he is not accepting personal responsibility.
If man sees areas in his own life, which need changing, where healing body, mind or spirit should be taking place and does nothing, then he is not using all the resources at his disposal. Or if he chooses to think that Karma is the answer to what is taking place, again he is not looking within his own life for some small change that could give him better mental outlook or a healthier body and spiritual upliftment.
In all these things, each person has challenges and opportunities presented to him. How he handles the challenges and opportunities is considered ‘using his free will’.
In the creation of law, there is love and there is also hate, there is misery and there is also joy, there is want, but there is also plenty. Man’s free will is what he does with these circumstances – these opportunities – these challenges.
With his own resources for aid, resources for aiding himself as well as aiding others and also taking into consideration what he does with his resources, is man’s own personal responsibility. Each person has opportunities open to his or her own understanding because there are always opportunities for growth, advancement and progress in spiritual enlightenment.
Continue your spiritual path of light and understanding.
I have met countless "Angels" in my journies in this "savage garden" of mine called LIFE , and I am truly greatful knowing that our Divine Father always send HIS angels to us to light and gaurd our way...
Sunday, July 02, 2006
SuperMan Returns - My Blah about it!
Superman Returns isn’t about a savior returning to Earth to protect us from evil (sound familiar?). No, this Superman film has as much to do with romance and self-discovery as it does with combating evil. There’s a lot of heart and soul in the story of Superman Returns, and the hero feels real pain and isolation in being the only one of his kind in existence.
And YES - Brandon Routh is SO DAMN HOT!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
