A Love Letter to NO One...

So many nights, so many hours. Nights that lasted forever. Nights that tore into me and ripped out what little hope was left. I used to often sit alone on those nights pouring my heart out in a love letter to no one. Paragraph upon paragraph of useless words, tear stains on the paper, all in vain. Each letter was burnt and cast off to the winds. Perhaps off to find a hopeless dreamer such as myself. I’d dream what he’d look like, the way he’d smell. The sound of his voice, the feel of his hands. I’d write out the words I longed to say to anyone who was willing to hear them. Played out conversations in my head with a man who’d never love me. A man who wasn’t any more real than the hopes that kept me living. I believed in fairy tales. I thought that there was a person out there for everyone. The greedy, the poor, the overweight, the disabled, the gay, the snobby, the overly nice, even the “bad” people. I kept thinking that there was someone out there that was meant for me and all I had to do was find him.

As I grew older, the fairy tale faded away. Once upon a time became something I wanted to forget and happily ever after grew to be a myth. I have an uncle who’s never fallen in love, and has given up on even searching for it. Some people live their whole lives and never fall in love. I have to believe in love, whether I want to or not, because I lived it and I lost it. I even saw it in my grandparents eyes when my grandfather was in the hospital dying and my grandmother was sent to a nursing home. I’d never seen my grandfather cry before. He said he just misses her and wanted to be with her. They’ve been married sixty something years.

There might just be a person out there made for everyone. And there might not be. With so many people in the world, how do you know you’ve found the right one? Attraction can be mistaken for love. It can also grow to love. Sometimes, there’s your soulmate and then there’s the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with. But what if you discover that the other half of your soul was the one you chose to be with? Aren’t you dying to find out? So many nights, so many hours. Nights that lasted forever. Nights that bore deep into my soul and brought out light I’ve never known existed. I sit wrapped in thoughts of you. No longer shall I write a love letter to no one. Tonight, I write a letter to someone. Paragraph upon paragraph of words which paint a portrait of a dozen fairy tales come true.